When in Doubt..Blame Bush

Now Bush is Putting Arsenic in Fiji's Drinking Water

I was scouring the web for more of Bush’s crimes last night when I stumbled upon an interesting news morsel. It seems that when the City of Cleveland conducted a chemical analysis of Fiji brand bottled water, they discovered that it contains dangerously high levels of arsenic – higher even than our own drinking supply.

Which raises the question: exactly why is Bush poisoning the Fijian people? What heinous plot has he hatched now? The answer didn’t come to me as easily as it usually does. Fiji is a major trade partner with the United States and a member of Bush’s Coalition of the Coerced and the Bribed, with over 17 Fijian troops serving in Iraq. English is the official language of the islands, and Christianity is the predominant religion.

Needless to say, Fijian womyn have no Right to Choose, and thousands of young grrrls are beaten by their grandparents on the way to the back-alley abortionist every year. All they need is a Fijian chapter of the Klu Klux Klan and it'd be a tropical version of Texas. So at first glance, one can find little reason for Bush to target the people of Fiji for extermination.

But bear with me. Proceed to your local library and find Baghdad on the globe. Using an ordinary black marker, draw a line from Baghdad to Crawford, Texas. Now draw another line from Crawford to Viti Levu, the main island of Fiji. Look closely. Notice anything peculiar? I didn’t either, although I was a bit distracted by all the shouting.

Sometimes, what appears to be a Rovian conspiracy against a sovereign nation state is something as simple as Bush merely wanting a few less brown people in the World. We learned that lesson in New Orleans, and Fiji is learning it now.

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