Dr Evil...The Funny of the Week

Dr. Evil: The details of my life are quite inconsequential

Therapist (Carrie Fisher): Oh no, please, please, let's hear about your childhood.

Dr Evil: Very well, where do I begin?

My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet.

My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Some times he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy, the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical, summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets.

When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard really. At the age of 12 I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum, it's breathtaking, I suggest you try it.

Therapist: You know, we have to stop.

Dr. Evil (played by Mike Myers) is an evil genius, the chief villain of the Austin Powers series of films. He is a parody of James Bond villains, most particularly Donald Pleasence's portrayal of Ernst Stavro Blofeld, in the film You Only Live Twice. Dr. Evil is bald and wears a gray Nehru Jacket jumpsuit, which is also a reference to Joseph Wiseman's costume as Dr. No from the 1962 film of the same name. Some of Dr. Evil's facial and vocal expressions are allegedly patterned after Lorne Michaels, producer of television's Saturday Night Live